Dog Training

When I was a child, I quasi-loved an animal. For those of you who know me, this is weird. I don't like animals. Alright, I'll say it: I pretty much hate them. I know this hatred stemmed from three major events in my life. This post is about the first.....



We got a full-blooded Keeshound when I was in about 3rd grade. If you have never seen a Keeshound, imagine a mix between a werewolf and a monkey. It was black and white, so I (appropriately) named the canine Pepper.



I was pretty impressed with myself when I taught Pepper his first trick. I remember my parents having friends over and having me show them, "My little trick." I thought I was amazing: a straight up Dog Whisperer.



One day my neighbor, Emily, came over to play at my house. I decided to show off my new amazing skills. "Watch this!" I told Emily. Pepper immediately did the trick. I was so proud.



"So he's humping you, right? .... Your dog is trying to hump you?" said Emily.



I was appalled. Surely my new trick wasn't an inherent trait my new friend had. Was I a Dog Whisperer? Or was my dog just horny?



As it turns out, it was the latter. When I thought I taught my dog to dance, Pepper was trying to have sex with me.



STRIKE ONE.