I used to love my footed pajamas. I secretly still wish I owned a pair every once in a while. Then I remember how disgusting they actually are and change my mind.
I was at my parent’s friend’s house. In standard “Alexanders in Public” fashion, I did something stupid and embarrassing. The couple was very fancy and had a set of fake lawn ornament deer in front of their fire place.
Their fanciness played a large role in their lack of children’s toys.
I utilized the fake deer to entertain myself. I was climbing on them (because apparently that was my definition of fun) when I slipped. The buck’s antlers went right into my noggin.
The husband of the super fancy couple was a doctor who apparently couldn’t administer anesthesia and stitches from his living room (lame) so I headed (pun intended) to the ER.
Once in the ER at my mother’s hospital (as Grandpa Crowley would call it) I was strapped to a Velcro bed like a crazy person. My arms were spread to show my 7 year old wingspan, while my legs were velcroed in a spread eagle position. Not to mention it looked like I’d been shot in the face. BY A DEER.
The nurse shot my fivehead up with some numbing syrup, then went to town sewing me back together. It was traumatizing and relaxing. I’ll never forget watching that needle go in and out of my dome. But that Velcro bed was pretty comfortable. I think drugs might have been a factor in my comfort.
I still have a battle wound in the middle of my fivehead, but it’s fine since there is so much space up there (qualifying it as a fivehead instead of a forehead.)
Lessons of the story:
1. Bring your own entertainment for the children when you go somewhere – especially if they are Alexanders.
2. Lawn ornaments are disgusting in the LAWN. Their appeal does not increase or make you fancier when they are in the house.
3. If you are a fancy doctor in a house decorated with lawn ornaments, keep some supplies at home in case some bored kids decide to play at your house.
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