Babysitting with Jen

Yeah, I was asked to babysit a few times in my day. Growing up, I pretty much babysat my brothers every day. I used to SWEAR that my parents only procreated to ENSURE they had ‘sitters’ and WORK HORSES to do their dirty work. I STILL stand by this position.

There was a babysitting adventure that was (as some people would say) “The Straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Jen’s neighbors (and some friends) were all headed to the good old Covered Bridge Festival in Mansfield, Indiana. You read right. They went to a festival devoted to a bridge. I went to one in the same area earlier this year. It’s focus was mushrooms. This isn’t part of the punch line. Actually, it’s not even part of the story… This would be considered a tangent.

Focus.

Altogether, Jen and I were in charge of eleven kiddies that Saturday afternoon. It started off as a good idea. It escalated quickly.

Jen and I had just finished doing gymnastics in the hallway with the girls when a boy started being bad. I have no idea what he was doing. Jen has the memory like a jackalope and could probably recount every last detail of his behavior. To punish him, we locked him in the basement. To prove how responsible we were, I must mention that we did ensure that all ten other children were on the ground level before we shut the door and turned off the lights. He kicked and screamed and cried like a little baby, but we didn’t care. It was time to eat.

The extent to which Jen and I know how to cook is …. Limited. One time we made our boyfriends sugar cookie cards for Valentines Day. Mark still laughs about how he would have rather had to eat the cookie SHEET than that THING I made him. (Let’s just say my new last name is rather deceiving…) Jen and I lived together our freshman year of college. There was a lot of ‘lean gourmet’, chocolate chip cookie dough, celery, and peanut butter that year. (And vodka, of course.)

So, to feed the ten kids, the lion in the basement, and the two of us, Jen and I made the world’s largest pan of macaroni and cheese. Imagine if someone went through your cabinets to try to find something to make for a million kids. Then proceeded to mix together every box of mac and cheese you own: Velveeta, Great Value, Kraft, and “Healthy Choice.” We didn’t care. We threw it all in together and created something amazing. Well, at least edible. We even let little fire pumpkin out of the basement to enjoy his delicious cuisine.

I got super sick that day and had to lay around like a slug muffin on the couch. It was like someone hit me with a brick in the head… or the knee. (Which of those would hurt worse, I wonder?) Either way, it was bad.

Jen was a good sport and played in munchkin land while I popped pills and slugged on the couch.

Luckily, the nuggets’ parents came home from the festival early. I guess they didn’t find that ‘perfect wicker basket’ they were looking for. They shot us each “Thanks for keeping our kids alive” $50 bills as we walked out the door.

It was a great success for Jen and I. It also showed us that kids suck. And that it is very effective to lock them in the basement for a given amount of time. It even worked as a scare tactic on the other little rugrats. Awesome.

And…yes… jackalope’s have impeccable memories. Don’t act like you weren’t wondering….