ENGLISH

Words are weird. I never really appreciated English because it was so subjective. How could I write the SAME PAPER and give it to two different teachers… I would get a C from one of them and an A (and rave reviews) from the other one…

That is the exact reason I became an accountant. Your accounts either match up, or they don’t. There isn’t a subjective perspective to the whole process. You take out that whole ‘teacher’ factor of the equation. And I like it. Words are weird. Numbers? Not so much.

Anyway, one of my best friends, Jen, has always had trouble with the difference between the words Passed and Past. I would always try to explain it and she would always NEVER get it.
"I passed a car in the past."

She never got it. She SWEARS that she understands it, now that she is 23. I bet she’s wrong. Whatevs.

My youngest brother took the SAT exam not too long ago. Apparently the kid is like a baby genius and was asked to take the exam along with his fellow Vigo County prodigies. When my mom picked him up from the test, she asked how it was.

"It was okay, I guess. Not too bad. There was one section that was sooooo stupid! I didn’t even want to do it!"

"What was it?" Mom asked, wondering what part of the SAT test was so ludicrous that her prodigy son nearly skipped over it…

"There was this part where they would give you a word, then you would have to find the synonym. Do you know what a synonym is, Mom? It’s a word that means the SAME THING as another word! If we already have a word, why OH WHY do we need ANOTHER WORD that means the same thing?"

Mom was shocked. How was she supposed to respond? By pointing out that English is a jacked up language and he has to prove his intelligence if he wants to really show everyone that he is a prodigy? By explaining the difference between the words and knowing when to say, "That’s crazy!" versus "That’s ludicrous!" ?

Mom called me later that night. "Why do we have two words that mean the same thing, Tiffany? It just doesn’t make sense! I would venture to say that he is on to something…"

"Yeah, Mom! Why don’t you go ahead and have that phenomenon of a brother of mine write a letter to the creator of the SAT exam, explaining the situation. I’m sure it will go over well!"

Good luck on the SAT, Evan! I hope you past!