OBVI

Okay, I am not a big fan of small talk. For those of you who have ever had a ‘drive by’ conversation with me, you know what I’m talking about. For those of you who do not know, a ‘drive by’ occurs [usually] in the halls of a work environment. It could even happen in obscure places like the local grocery store or mall. Dive bys happen when you aren’t in the mood (which for me is never) to have a casual conversation with an acquaintance, co-worker, random ex boyfriend, boss, or even classmate.

I hate small talk (especially drive bys) for several reasons. The first is the most common drive by conversation:

(avoid eye contact until you are about 3-5 feet away from each other, even if you saw each other and made awkward eye contact from 100 feet away)

"Hi! How are you!"
"I’m good, how are you?"
"Good!"

Then you keep walking. Actually, the entire conversation occurs while each party is in motion (or ‘driving by’). Neither one stops because neither party wants to commit to a full-on conversation.
I usually don’t even respond to the "How are you" part of the convo (which makes for an even SHORTER and even MORE AWKWARD conversation)…

"Hi! How are you!"
"I’m good, how are you?"
[keep walking]

You don’t care how I am. Frankly, I don’t care how you are. If I TRULY cared, I would stop to have a conversation with you. But I didn’t. Ciao.

Mean, right? Yeah, I acknowledge that it isn’t really a socially acceptable thing to do. And I am ALL ABOUT following the social norms to avoid awkwardness…

Wait…. Anyways, I hate it… I hate it even more now that I realized THAT wasn’t even what I was going to discuss with this post.

My point of the post is ‘obvious statements.’ I’m annoyed by them. It is quasi related to the small talk point, so I think I’m safe. When I see someone in the halls, for example, I feel compelled to say something ‘witty.’ I think I am a funny…no…HILARIOUS person and I think people expect the best when they see me coming.

It would be like if you saw David Copperfield at the local mall and asked him to do a magic trick. Or saw Michael Jackson and told him to dance. Or sing. Or stay away from your son. Or like if you saw Brad Pitt and tried to hump his leg. These are all normal responses to people. You expect great things when you see them because THAT is what they DO.

Humor is what I DO. You want inappropriate? You got it! You want to be rolling around on the floor laughing? Boom Shak a lak a! You want to laugh so hard you start to projectile vomit? I’m your gal. I think you get the point.

When I worked at the hospital, my patented witty comment was, Working Hard or Hardly working? That was appropriate with all the goof troop people I was around. And FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON it NEVER got old! I worked there for six years and got a small chuckle, even toward the end. Gross.

When having a drive by conversation with someone, you might get involved and have to stay a little extra and put a little more effort into the conversation. THIS is when the OBVIOUS statements come out….

It’s 2009…
Looks like rain…
You cant be an expert on everything…
It’s Friday! T.G.I.F.
I’m ready for the weekend!

Why oh why…..Oh sheesh….I’m done- this is getting out of control.….