You bit me!

I will devote today to the pranks we have played among our siblings over the years.....

My baby sister hasn't always been considered 'witty.' She used to come home from school and ask:

"Tiffany, what would you say if someone made fun of you for the way you tuck your sweatshirts into your green jeans?"

That was a hard one... but I tried my best... "Just make fun of their fivehead." I would simply reply.

"What the heck is a fivehead?"
"Have you ever seen anyone with a huge forehead?"
"I guess..."
"Well, that, my dear... is what us WITTY people refer to as a fivehead. You are allowed to use it tomorrow when you get made fun of for wearing that SAME outfit again."

Then I would walk away.

Now, don't go feeling all BAD for little Kayla yet... because I have a DOOZY of a story coming up..... OH YEAH.... Little Kayla the angel, huh?..... You be the judge.....

So Kayla and I were having a normal daily fight.... one most likely over clothes. And (playing my odds) ugly ones. Anyhoo, I'm probably screaming and trying to find a good piece of her hair to wrap my scrummy little bratty hands around so I could drag her to the ground when.....

KAYLA BIT H.E.R.S.E.L.F.

There have been FEW times in my life where I was stunned. I was stunned to realize that my mom used to make me repeat the phrase, "I think I can" until I pooped in the toilet. I was even more stunned (to the point of speechlessness) when I saw the PICTURE she took of my little four year old half naked body GRUNTING on the toilet. Classy.

Back to Kayla the biter.

Imagine that my baby sister and I were fighting in our bedroom while our (loving) parents were ignoring us in the living room. Kayla holds out her left arm mid fight (I was probably pulling the 'fivehead' card) when she pulls that arm right to her mouth and BITES. Hard.

I know she was biting hard because her veins were popping out of her neck. Her head was shaking. Her beady little eyes were focused on me. Like she had years of built up frustration and she was taking it out on me .... and her arm.....

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?" I screamed.
[Biting/shaking/Glaring]

I didn't know what to do. This type of situation didn't come in the 'witty kids' handbook.

Then Kayla stopped. I stared at her.

"YOU BIT ME!" She shrieked.
"AH! YOU BIT YOURSELF!" I was appalled. Whoa. In all my years of picking on my little sister, I had never encountered a counter-attack. It's like someone came to her in a dream and gave her a play by play on how to get me back the next time she stole my silk shirt.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!" Kayla screamed and cried all the way to Mom and Dad.

Long story short. Guess who got in trouble? Me. Mom refused to compare my teeth to Kayla's nasty arm.

Now I'm not saying that I didn't deserve it. There were PLENTY of times Mom or Dad would give us some candy and tell us to go outside to play. Then I would tell Kayla she couldn't play with me until she finished all her candy. Right when she was done scarfing down her candy, I would pull mine (unopened) from behind my back and SAVOR THE FLAVOR right in front of her.

Then there were the clubs that Amber, Ashley, Kayla and I would start. Amber and I were the oldest. We would ALWAYS be either President or Vice President. Kayla and Ashley were always the other two STUPID roles.... Treasurer and Secretary. Seriously. Those roles are like participation awards in an art contest.

I'm not even mad to this day. I'm downright awe-struck. Whatever little monkey told Kayla how to out-play her sarcastic older sister that day deserves a medal. Well played, baby sis... Well played.....

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!