Doctor, Doctor

My accounting professor for my MBA class has his PhD in accounting. Lame, right? Haha.

Anyway, he is a ‘doctor.’

One of his students called his house to ask a question one evening. His son answered the telephone. Dr. “John” only heard one end of the conversation. He assumed it went something like this:

Hello?

Hi, I’m calling to speak with Dr. John.

Well, he’s here, but let me tell you! He is not the type of Doctor that can do you any good!

….and with that, Dr. John answered the phone. Haha*

PARABLE OF A SADHU

IMAGINE: You are in the Himalayas, on vacation from work. It was a very big goal of yours. Your team is exhausted. Your guide tells you if you do not move through the pass tonight, you might have to make the thirty day trip back. Another group comes up to you and has an unconscious religious man that they can’t carry anymore. They tell you it is your turn to be the Good Samaritan. He is alive. What do you do?

This was a situational example given in my MBA class the second week we had ever met. Our class (who barely knew each other of course) had to raise their hands and list possible options for the situation….

· take him with us

· leave him

· split up

· all stay with him

…

All I could think about was, REALLY??? NO ONE IS GOING TO SAY IT???? My first instinct was to take him. He is a human being! How could you live with yourself if you left him? Worse come to worse, he dies and you get to eat him!

So, yeah, you guessed it…. To the horror of my husband, I raised my hand and gave my possible option. All I got was nothing but nervous chuckles and groans from my classmates.

Second MBA Class ever.

I guess I’ll try to make friend in my NEXT class.. Instead of class clown, I’m class a-hole…

On the way out of class that night, a guy came up to Mark and I.

“I’m walking out with the skydivers!” He said, attempting to make small talk as we walked to our cars.

“Yeah!” Mark said… “She told everyone she was scared to go skydiving and I peer pressured her into it… Think about how scared I am to ever go hiking with her again!!”

Touché, Mark…Touché….

Share about a time you got in trouble as a child

There are so many instances, I just can’t narrow it down…..

Okay….

I’ve always been sarcastic. My Dad so lovingly refers to me as “smartass.”

We were hiking in Arizona. I was 14 and Evan was 4. This is important information. Evan was hiking just as much as the rest of us. My Dad was recording with our camcorder the size of a bazooka.

He looks at Evan. My little brother had beautiful blue eyes, huge lips, and a blonde mullet. He lookes up at my Dad and the bazooka with is tear-filled eyes:

“Dad, my yegs hurt.”

“Your legs hurt?”

“YES” replies little Evan

“Come on, Dad. The 4 year old is right. This sucks.” Said the outdoors girl that is me.

“Alright, let’s just see what’s at the top of this hill and then we will turn around.” Said my father, in an attempt to appease all and prolong his hike.

To which the smartass 14 year old replies: “TREES!”

That’s when the tape turns off. I am positive (and I deserved it) my Dad beat me after that. I’ve never been an outdoor girl. I love me some air conditioning. I’m not sorry.

I also love that my whole tantrum was caught on tape…all thanks to that bazooka.

What were your summer vacation like?

One summer I will never forget is the summer Kayla and I participated in a reading contest.

The local library was having a contest to encourage kids to read. I don’t think the librarians intended for us to turn into complete weirdos like Kayla and I did.

We locked ourselves in our front foyer surrounded by books and a list. We would read books as fast as our little eyes could allow. Then add them to the list.

We probably ended up winning a coupon for a free personal pan pizza with the purchase of $20 or more, but we lost a summer. We probably retained 1/25 of what we read too.

What can we say? We are both competitive… Even if it means we lock ourselves in a room and read books like freakazoids….ALL.SUMMER.LONG.

Share a memory of playing in your back yard

I’ve always been mean to my baby sister. I love her SO MUCH, but I’ve always felt like it was my job to poke fun at her. Kayla has always looked up to me. One day, Kayla and I had some Sprees. They were one of our favorite candies at the time.

I just realized I have told this story several times. I just should steer clear of telling it. I look like a total a-hole in the tale… oh well….

Anyway, Kayla and I were going to play. I told Kayla she had to finish her candy before I would play with her.

 

Kayla scarfed the candy so she could play with me.

Aaaaaaaand just when she thought I was going to be nice, I regressed to old ways.

As soon as Kayla was finished with her Sprees, I pulled mine out of my pocket.

I savored every piece of my candy while Kayla salivated. I’m so mean.

Kharma is real because Kayla went on to become a much better athlete than I’ll ever be. While she was running races, though, her older sister was on the sidelines, cheering her on….and eating candy.

Share a Halloween Memory

In college, my best friend, Jenny, and I wanted to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for Halloween. Unfortunately, the only outfits we could find were for boys 8-10 years.

What can we say? We are optimists.

It looked like we were wearing capris, our thigh bands had to be torn off to fit into the outfit, and we had to wear tank tops under them because the back on the outfit wouldn’t shut. But we wore them.

 

Jen and I thought we looked awesome. She was Jenatello and I was Tiffelangelo.

We went to a fraternity party that night and looked more hilarious than sexy. We didn’t care. Jen and I always had a good time, no matter how goofy we looked.

Share a Christmas memory

“Jesus in a Manger”

Every year, my family attends the midnight mass at church for Christmas. At SUMC, Michelle and Kevin McCrea sing a song they wrote years ago. It is beautiful and so much fun to watch them sing it. My family LOVES it so much, my Mom made them sing it last year even though they weren’t scheduled to. SING ON, MCCREAS! WE LOVE YOU!

Share about your favorite toy

I had two favorite toys growing up: My PC Pal and my Mother Goose.

PC PAL: This was a disgusting little gadget that used a DOS program to play word games. I used to bring it on road trips and it was so much fun. One night, I camped out in my front yard. It rained the next day. My PC Pal was drenched. I was distraught and my parents bought me a new one. *whew*

MOTHER GOOSE: Mother Goose was this lifesize bird that read me stories. This was a perfect replacement for parents. Haha. After putting the appropriate cassette into Mother Goose’s wing, one could listen to the bird tell the story of Humpty Dumpty.

One night, Mother Goose came alive and started moving her mouth and staring at me. I SWEAR! It was super scary and I am still petrified of birds to this day.

Scrooge

Christmas songs should be played no more than 7 days before the event. Or maybe they should only be allowed to play on one designated station. I’m annoyed ALREADY. Call me Scrooge, I don’t care. But if I hear HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS one more time IN NOVEMBER I’m going to projectile vomit on the person (or object) singing it.

  

Message from Father part two

 

Hey tiffany baker

Why don’t you call me

Are you ignoring me or what

Alright

Ive got my phone on me

I’m waiting on you

Love you

Bye

Message from Father part uno

Hello tiffany baker

This is david Alexander

Um

Dad

Call me

I got your message

Or your missed call

Um

I’m home working in the garage

I haven’t called grandma

So yeah

Want to go out to eat

See you then lets do it

Call me I will keep my cell phone on me now

And yes my number comes up as unknown or whatever

Alrightythen

Bye bye

Oh

Love you

Message from mom (month ago)

 

Hey its mom I’m getting ready to take a shower so I will try to give you a call when I get out of there. Love you. Bye

Food for Thought

I got this from a recent email…  I liked it and thought I would share::

1. He who angers you controls you.
2. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop
3. Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a ruler
4. Exercise daily…walk with the Lord.
5. Never give the devil a ride…he will always want to drive.
6. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it
7. compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back
8. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning
9. Plan ahead…It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
10. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
11. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
12. Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.
13. We don’t change God’s message…His message changes us.
14. The church is prayer-conditioned.
15. When God ordains, He sustains.
16. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma, but never let him be the period.
17. Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period.
18. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a facelift.
19. When praying, don’t give God instructions…just report for duty.
20. Give God what’s right…not what’s left.
21. Man’s way leads to hopeless end…God’s way leads to an endless hope.
22. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
23. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

24. Be ye fishers of men…You catch them and He’ll clean them.

25. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Retirement….

Got this from: 

http://www.nomad4ever.com/2006/12/02/5-retirement-tips-for-20-somethings

5 retirement tips for 20-somethings

If you’re a typical 20-something, you’ve got a college loan payment, a cell phone payment, and one or more credit cards that you’re making minimum payments on, not to mention food, healthcare, and rent. But there is one thing that you have going for you: You are in the best position of your life to start saving for retirement. And here are some fairly painless ways to do it.

1. Compound interest works in your favor. “The earlier you start, the less you have to save every month,” says Dallas Salisbury, president and CEO of the Employee Benefit Research Institute. “Start at 20, and set aside 15 percent of every dollar you earn, are gifted, or inherit, and you will be in good shape at retirement age. Wait until 40, and it will have to be 25 percent or more of every dollar earned. Wait until 50, and it will be 45 percent of every dollar earned.” The money you invest now still has lots of time to grow before you even think about retirement.

2. Matching is free money. “If you are in the younger generation, the chance that you will be covered by a defined benefit plan is less than the chance that your parents had,” says Andrew Eschtruth, associate director of external relations at Boston College’s Center for Retirement Research. But it is more likely that you will be given the opportunity to participate in a 401(k). You should make sure to put enough money into the 401(k) to receive the full employer match.

3. Take it with you. People in their 20s have a reputation for job hopping. But when you leave a job, don’t forget to take your retirement plan with you. Many people will simply pay the tax penalties on their old retirement plan and keep the cash. “If you do that two or three times as a younger worker, you are really sacrificing a large amount of money down the road when you turn 60,” says Eschtruth. You can avoid the fees by rolling a 401(k) over into an IRA, where the money can continue to grow, penalty free.

4. Don’t count on Social Security. Anyone born after 1960 will not qualify for full Social Security benefits unless retiring after turning 67. If you retire earlier, the amount you get in each check will be reduced. So you will either have to wait longer to claim your full benefit, or receive a reduced benefit compared with your parents, says Eschtruth. So, although Social Security may still be around to help fund retirement, it should not be counted upon as an exclusive source of income.

5. Take personal responsibility. Today about 33 percent of retirees get a monthly check from a pension, 28 percent receive health insurance from a former employer, and only about 7 percent of retirees’ income is from savings, including a 401(k), says Salisbury. But for people in their 20s today it is likely that 10 percent or fewer will get a monthly pension check or receive health insurance in retirement from an employer, Salisbury predicts. “It is too early to tell if it will be, but savings could provide income for 75 percent of future retirees and could provide as much as 35 percent of income for many,” says Salisbury. The bottom line: As retirement planning becomes more and more consumer driven, no one else is going to plan retirement for you. It’s something you need to do yourself.

Source: Emily Brandon

Baker First Dance

…by the way

Hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving!!!! 

 

<3 Tiff

New Years Eve

Yeah…..  Mark and I were on our way back to Indianapolis this evening….  and started talking about how crazy it would be to be in Times Square for New Years Eve.

So we bought  flights when we got home.  Yep.  You read right.  We are OUT.OF.CONTROL.  I was so excited I started shaking and calling my family/texting my friends. 

We haven’t bought hotels yet.  One thing at a time.  OMG

once.IN.a.LIFETIME.

….if you are available……  :-)

Marriage Phenomenon

Mark and I are awesome. That is obvious. We have always been two freaking cool individuals. And what could be better than two awesome individuals committing their amazing, party filled lives to one another? Wow! That would be awesome.

And, on August 2, 2008, just that event occurred.

This post is to address the event that occurred the following day.

Mark Baker and Tiffany Alexander were married. But we were still awesome. But people stopped calling. They didn’t think it was appropriate to call married couples to go to the club on a Saturday night. They didn’t shoot us a text when they were headed to the Pacers game on a Wednesday.

There is a stigma with married couples. It isn’t appropriate for a married couple to be sloppily (and drunkenly) making out in the corner of a bar. Married people are supposed to kiss in the comfort of their home. Married people are supposed to make babies on a Friday night, not play beer pong.

Most married people are not awesome.

But as of August 3, 2008, Mark and Tiffany Baker were married. And we were still awesome.

I had to literally sit people down to acknowledge this. I asked what I had to do in order to get back on the invite list. (The one I was still ‘on’ as of August 1.)

Luckily, my awesomeness (coupled with my husband’s appeal) got us back on the lists. Thank God for it! If we hadn’t gotten on the single people’s invite lists, WE may have been the couple talking about dogs and scrapbooking at that wedding. What a frightening and equally icky thought.

Awesome people prefer the Bar/Dace Floor loop to doggy talk.

Quote from my accounting professor tonight in class:

Bloomington, IN. IU. 1970’s. Bachelor’s Degree. They tell me I was there.

Black Friday

happy Black Friday....

Don't die shopping for cheap DVDs this morning....

Things I’m Thankful For

:: in no particular order ::

Health

Family

Friends

Culture

Math

Music

Wal-Mart

My Car Port in my apartment

Grandparents

Puppies

Kittens

Two – year – olds

Birth control

Democracy

Running

Cookies

Tuition reimbursement

Sunglasses

Nerds

Boys

Girlfriends

Sisters

Warm sweaters

Spandex shorts

Changing Fall leaves

Mountains

Pictures

Circumcision

High heeled shoes

Dresses

Down comforters

Wine

Good beer

Hard boiled eggs

Hand carved anything

Ebay

Gas stations

Diet coke

Mystic tanning

Sweatpants

Cell phones

GPS

Michael Jackson

Jesus

Mini golf

Avocados

Penn station

Religion

Christian music

Comedy

Internet

Facebook

Holidays

Paid time off

Sick leave

Blogging

Brothers

Digital picture frames

Palm trees

Sunsets

Sunrises

Sandy beaches

Fiber bars

Toothpaste

Daily talks with mom and sister

Wake up calls to my husband

Wedding preparations for my baby sister

Five dollar footlongs

Morning radio shows

DVD making software

Mechanical pencils

I-70

Dave Ramsey

Family in Florida

Plastic Surgery

Waxing

Tanning

Hair color

Microwaves

Contacts

Eyebrow threading

Someone else changing my car’s oil

Bottled water

Over the counter medicine

Euchre

Apples to Apples

Pre-made baked goods at the grocery store that I can claim as my own

Sales

Free underwear from Victoria’s Secret

Indianapolis Colts

Buffalo Wild Wings

Mascara

Community service

Artwork

BBBS

Free parking

Being able to go to California next week with work

Email

Digital cameras

Disney movies

Goodwill

Daily devotions

Text messaging

Deodorant

Earrings

Family gatherings

Airplanes

Evening news

Doctors

Prescription drugs

Nail polish

Fake eyelashes

Half.com

Sparkpeople.com

Winter jackets

Colorful / decorative tights

Chewing gum

Fast food

Walgreens picture printing

Online pizza ordering

PowerPoint

Excel

Clearance racks

Windows movie maker

Abbreviations

Direct flights

Business class

Warm weather

Online airline check in

Meat lovers pizza

Trader joes

Real estate agents

Asparagus

Milk

Quaker oatmeal squares cereal

Chips and salsa

Wedding rings

Automobiles

….that’s all I can think of for now. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!

Thanksgiving

Happy Turkey Day! Just remember, if it had been a donkey instead of a turkey, we would all be getting a piece of ass today…..

Wedding Reception Seating

Mark and I go to a lot of weddings. Like, a lot. In October, Mark’s co-worker got hitched and (as usual) we got invited. I think it has a direct relationship with how awesome we are.

Anyhoo, the wedding was absolutely beautiful.

Then it was time for the reception. Seats were assigned. Mark and I were at a table with three other couples. One couple consisted of a girl Mark worked with and her husbandd. It made sense that we were seated with them. But what was the bride and groom’s justification for pairing us with the other four?

After quietly sipping our broccoli cheese soup, Mark and I decided to find out. Straight up detective mode.

After realizing all of us had been wed within the last year and a half, we signified our table as the Newleyweds. “Cool” Mark and I said to each other. “we are at the party table!”

….AAAAAND then they all started to talk.

The girls got all excited about scrapbooking. I was very quiet. I looked at Mark. He was looking at me, laughing. “Why don’t you contribute to the conversation, honey?” my SWEET husband said with the ickiest layer of sarcasm I’ve ever experienced.

Here’s the deal. I’m too awesome for scrapbooking. There. I said it. That’s what I tell myself anyway. I just get bored with it. My family is amazing at scrapbooking. I’m amazing at making scrapbooking-worthy moments occur. Hey, we all have our strengths.

Then it was the guys’ turn. They started talking about their dogs. Canines are a newlywed couple’s staple. I looked at Mark and encouraged him to talk with our tablemates about the pets we don’t have. He glared at me.

As if the last two topics of conversation weren’t bad enough…. The couple to our right started talking about their travels. YES! FINALLY! Something the Bakers could relate to!

We were wrong again.

They apparently travel to Epcot in Orlando, Florida every year. There is a room with a bar from many places throughout the world at Epcot. (Apparently) “You can walk to Mexico and get some tequila! And you can go to China and try some Sake! And you can enjoy a White Russian in Russia! And the beer in Germany is amazing!”

They loved it. They loved it so much, they went every year.

Instead of telling them how lame it was to travel to the same place each year for a bar, or how LAMER it was to go to Epcot for SAKE instead of trying it in China, Mark and I excused ourselves and went to the reception bar…then to the dance floor…then back to the bar…and to the dance floor. We continued that loop until our whole table had left for the evening. (Which was like an hour later)

…apparently they all had to go check on their pups…

OF COURSE we were one of the last ones to leave. Those other couples gave newlyweds a bad name. They suck. And we docked our gift to the bride and groom by $5.00 for even THINKING we would associate with those people.

Hey guy behind me, YOU SUCK

Hey guy behind me: Are you comfortable yet? If you kick my seat one more time, I’m going to push the recline button. This.is.your.warning…

Boo

What are the odds that I would sit by the 9 month old on the plane? Boo. She is being good right now, though… probably because she is pooping her pants.

I suck

So here I am, blogging on a plane. ::Standard::

I am reading Mark my cho cha rant. (yes, aloud).

I get random blog ideas from real life events, people! And here is a PRIME EXAMPLE of it:

You know how seats in Coach are big enough to make a moderately obese (aka normal) American to feel like a Fatty Boom Batty. The seats are tiny. And awkward to sit in…

Let me start off by saying something: Mark and I booked our AirTran tickets together for our random Florida vaca. How, oh how, did Mark end up in seat 14E and I sit in 15B? That’s right, AirTran, we booked our flight together, but please don’t sit us next to each other! We got that ‘situation’ quickly corrected.

I’m totally annoyed with the person who invented the reclining airplane coach chair. As if I’m not uncomfortable enough, the a-hole in front of me thinks she is ENTITLED to her reclining seat.

Here is where it gets awkward: [This literally just occurred.]

As soon as the chick in front of me reclined her seat, I looked at Mark (who was now next to me) and let out an excited “YESSSSS!” while I pointed to the seat that was now nearly touching my forehead. Mark let out a nervous giggle. Apparently the lady heard. …and Mark knew I didn’t care… I knew I had the green light for humor when Mark laughed. I told him I was going to blog about this incident. I was going to title the post, “You suck, lady in front of me!” I thought it was hilarious! Mark didn’t give the reaction I was looking for. I didn’t care. I was already imagining all the amazing things I could say about her.

As I started frantically writing, my husband leaned over… “Yeah… She heard everything you said. And now she is giving me the stink eye.

…Opps… Nice…. What an interesting turn of events…

Alice A-Hole in front of me lowers her seat to my chest. I make a comment. Alice hears. And now SHE’S offended. Typical.

I don’t care. Now I keep coughing in her hair and expressing my opinion on how, “I don’t care what the doctor says, this H1N1 isn’t going to stop me from having fun this weekend.” I hope Alice is excited about her ‘extra’ souvenir.

…by the way… I appropriately changed the title from “You suck, lady in front of me!” to “I suck.” Yep. Chalk up a loss to Tiff.

GREAT SONG

Nicole C. Mullins
My Redeemer Lives

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And who showed the moon where to hide till evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?
Chorus:
Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
All of creation testifies
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives
Ye-e-eah
The very same God
That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory
Now I know, my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I-I-I know
My Redeemer
He lives
To take away my shame
And He lives
Forever I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sins
Was the precious life He gave
And now He's alive and
There's an empty
Grave!
And I know
My Redeemer lives
He lives
I know
My Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I-I-I know my Redeemer
I know
My Redeemer lives
*I know my Redeemer lives*
*I know, That I know, that I know, that I know, that I know
He lives
*my redeemer lives*
*Because He lives I can face tomorrow
He lives
*I know, I know*
He lives
*I spoke with Him this morning!*
He lives
*The tomb is empty*
He lives
*He Lives! I'm going to tell everybody!!*

Sorry in advance

Hey Mike Dason: Where is our wedding video? Is 478 days sufficient time to produce a good wedding video? Thanks for nothing..

PS – You suck

Mark and Tiff

Weird Compliments

I got a text from my sister the other day. It said: “I had to get blood work done and I was just told I have the best veins ever… is that a compliment? LOL”

I have a friend who gets her cho cha waxed every so often. One time, the Chinese woman kept talking about her beautiful vagine.

This is me acknowledging that these are NOT, in fact, COMPLIMENTS. I’m taking a stand. (to the utter embarrassment of my mother)

The phlebotomist talking to my sister about her blood filled veins was a down-right weirdo. And the perky Asian whacking the hairs right off my friend’s nether regions was a whacko herself. (get it? …. Haha* I thought whacko may have crossed a line, but I’m willing to take the risk if it receives a chuckle from one person out there.)

If you are going to comment on my body, please note: veins and cho chas are hereby off limits.

Florida

Mark and I had a weekend off together this weekend!!!! This is a big deal for us. Since Mark is in sales, his Saturdays and Sundays consist of selling apartments to random Hoosiers. Not this weekend!!!!

This was the first weekend we were off together with no plans since we moved to Indy.

So we planned a trip…for the weekend…. To Florida.

And why not?

We left Friday after work and got into town at 10:30 on Sunday night. It was perfect. Our family in Orlando hosted us! We went to Cocoa Beach all of Saturday and watched football by the pool on Sunday. ::Perfect::

Life.is.g00d.

Bloopers

God has made me laugh, and all whohear will laugh with me. ( Genesis 21:6 *NKJV )

It is said that laughter is the best medicine. So todaywe shall share a laugh or two, for after all, our Heavenly Fatherhas a sense of humor and; He who sits in the Heavensshall laugh. ( Psalms 2:4 )

So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the Bloopers actually found in Church Bulletins!

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Evening massage - 6 p.m.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The Rev. Meriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.


Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir.

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

The 2003 Spring Council Retreat will be hell on May 10th and 11th.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

*8 new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

I hope that you have enjoyed these as much asI did! Therefore may you have a" joyful" weekend, and may ifbe filled with laughter as well. After all, it is said, smile and theWorld smiles with you, frown and you frown alone. Amen.

All My Love & Prayers, Pastor Allen

Sweet Smell of PineSol

July 3, 2009

Sweet Smell of PineSol

T. Suzanne Eller <http://www.crosswalkmail.com/ohnngcbtft_mysvqsnsszq.html>

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."Matthew 19:14 (NIV)

Devotion

I admit it. I'm the world's worst when it comes to preserving photos. I have boxes of photos stacked in various cubbyholes. I tried to organize the pictures once. I divided them and placed them in large envelopes. My next step was to put them in albums. They are still in the envelopes--stacked in a box.

Melissa, Ryan, and Leslie are now in their 20's and newly married. The chances of me ever getting these precious memories organized are slim to none, but I'm realizing something powerful. Memories aren't limited to pictures.

Remember when, Mom...? is a common phrase in my house now. We have become the hub, a privilege once reserved for my husband's parents. At holidays and special weekends, they drive up, unload luggage and pile into the guest rooms. We laugh and reminisce a lot around the table. Remember when we went on treasure hunts in the pasture? Remember when you jumped on the bed and popped Ryan up in the air so high it scared you? Remember that yellow Slip N' Slide?

I do remember. But I also remember a young mom who worried that her house wasn't spotless when an unexpected guest showed up. I remember the angst of trying to do everything and the fatigue when my day ended before my chores did.

But there were days that I threw caution to the wind and jumped on the bed, even though it might make others frown. I grabbed a shovel and gave the kids plastic buckets and we looked for old bottles and trinkets at the abandoned homestead nearby. We mixed Dawn dishwashing liquid and water and I laughed out loud as the kids flew like greased lightening across the yellow slippery slide. Some of those memories were captured in that pre-digital age, but most were not, but they are etched on the heart of my young adult children.

They reminisce about what we did together. They don't reminisce about the smell of PineSol. Whether my house was perfect or how it compared to others' isn't even on their radar. It makes me wonder why I worried about it. Is it good to have order and structure? Sure. But don't allow the pressure to be the perfect mom keep you from the beauty of simply playing with your children. The unmade bed will still be there, but I promise that a child will grow quickly and leave the nest.

Take a moment today and look past the clutter and the to-do list and play like a child again. It might not be a picture-perfect moment, but it will be a memory.

Dear Lord, time passes so fast. Slow me down, God. Let me enjoy the smallest pleasures around me. Let me play with my child instead of knocking down a to-do list. Let me laugh with my teen instead of fussing at him. Thank You for the sweet memories of today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The U in JesUs

How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in theshadow of your wings. ( Psalms 36:7 *NIV )

You, my friend, are very important to God! He loves youmore than written words can say. So today I will share apoem that I received from one of our members, for it statesit much better than I. It is titled:

The U in JesUs

Before U were thought of or time had begun,
God even stuck U in the name of His Son.
And each time U pray, you'll see it's true
You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.
You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name,
For U, He was born; that's why He came.
And His great love for U is the reason He died.
It even takes U to spell crUcified.
Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand,
He rose from the dead, with U in His plan?

The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew,
and this word resUrrection is spelled with a U.
When JesUs left earth at His Upward ascension,
He felt there was one thing He just had to mention.
"Go into the world and tell them it's true,
That I love them all - Just like I love U."
So many great people are spelled with a U,
Don't they have a right to know JesUs too?
It all depends now on what U will do,
He'd like them to know, But it all starts with U.
--- Author Unknown

why not tell others about His GreatLove, and share with them all He has done for "U" as well.For; I tell you that in the same way there willbe more rejoicing in heaven over one sinnerwho repents than over ninety-nine righteouspersons who do not need to repent. Amen. ( Luke 15:7 )

All My Love & Prayers, Pastor Allen

Good choice

Mark and I went computer shopping tonight... let me just say that I LOVE our choice! We got an Acer Aspire from Wal-Mart. I know some people hate Wal-Mart... I also know that they secretly shop there anyways... how could you NOT? I don't care if you judge me....

Because I just spent $350 on a SAWEET PC.....

Let me tell you, if this laptop was a person, I would totally make out with him... although I would like to think that it is a girl.... it is just so darn cute! .... and, by the way... assuming it was a girl... I'd make out with her too...

As if you had to ask..... :-)

Faith Book

July 8, 2009

Faith Book

Susanne Scheppmann <http://www.crosswalkmail.com/yhddwvzdwv_jtpwgpvpptg.html>

"They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God." Nehemiah 9:3 (NIV)

Devotion

A new addiction slipped into my life recently - Facebook. Internet social networking slid in quietly and unobtrusively. Each day I found myself reading and posting a bit more. I learned how to create my visual bookshelf, so my "friends" could check out what I was reading. I linked my blog. My time seeped into Facebook like grains of sand slide through the hourglass.

My addiction soon took a turn for the worst. I began to put off my personal quiet time with God until after I had Facebooked. Sadly, scripture seemed boring next to my friends' postings. Strangely, the mundane posts intrigued me. I had fallen under the spell of social networking.

Then one day, I dragged myself away from my laptop. I had Bible study that night and needed to finish my lesson. The lesson pointed us to the book of Nehemiah. I read, "They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God." (Nehemiah 9:3, NIV).

Yikes! They read God's Word for a quarter of the day, then spent another quarter of the day in confession and worshiping? These words haunted me the rest of the afternoon. When was the last time I spent that much time with God? How much time did I spend on the Internet? I felt a deep conviction about my Facebook addiction.

I determined that day to read my Bible, my FaithBook, before I turned on my computer each day. I would network with God, before networking with my friends. When I made this decision, I saw scripture jump back to life. God's Word spoke to me with a freshness that seemed as if He had just posted it Himself.

The addiction stopped. Oh, I still enjoy Facebook and other social networks, but I have learned to keep them in proper perspective. Psalm 119:59-60 sums up my new intent: "I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws. I will hurry, without delay, to obey your commands" (NLT).

Will you join me in the commitment to spending time in God's Word before time spent on Facebook?

Dear Lord, I recognize that I spend too much time on the computer. Forgive my inattention to Your Word. Help me each day to place You first in my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

My first hickey

I was in third grade. I was nine years old. My brother, Nathan, was a teething baby. I let him suck on my chin and thought it was hilarious. He loved that chin, and I loved making others laugh at me.

Do you see where this is going?

Yep. My first hickey was from my baby brother. I willingly let him do it. It was totally hot.

And I felt compelled to share that with the world today.

Escalator

I observed something the other day that I just had to share:

I was at the Indianapolis airport. There were three escalators. Two were working. The airport was busy and both escalators were packed.

“They should really fix that escalator.” I thought as I hopped my lazy caboose on the middle escalator. About 2/3 of the way up, I had an epiphany……

A broken escalator is A SET OF STAIRS!!!!!

OMG

We are so lazy and stupid! Why did the airport workers just move the cones and (*gasp*) let people ‘WALK’ and get some (*gasp*) cardio?!??!?!?!

I heart Mom

You know how prisoners get that "I heart Mom" tattoo on thier shoulder? If I went to prison, I would totally get one of those... haha*

Anyways, I heart my Mom.

And today is her birthday!

I love you oh so much, Momma! I hope that you will accept these birthday wishes from 100 miles away!

“How do we get there?”

Mark and I were at our Little Brother’s house the other day. We were at his Mom’s house to pick him up. He was at his Dad’s.

We called his Dad’s house for the address. We were confident his Mom could tell us which way to go to pick him up.


Here’s how it went:

Mark: Okay, how do we get there?
Mom: Okay, which way are you going to go?
Mark: Whichever way you tell us.
Mom: Okay, ummm… Which road are you going to take?
Mark: Wait…ummm…okay…. What if we take 465?
Mom: Okay, oh….465…. so you are going to take 465….
Mark: How about this: how would YOU get there?
Mom: Oh, well that just depends on where I am.
Mark: ….Let’s pretend you are here….


Wow.

After she pretended she was at her apartment, we were able to get directions. After turning around a couple of times, we called my Mom to MapQuest the address.

We did find the house, but, lesson learned. No leaving the house without the GPS.

Bring It To Me

July 10, 2009

Bring It To Me

Marybeth Whalen <http://www.crosswalkmail.com/ihccblfgdb_aqltklyllzk.html>

"Bring them here to me." Matthew 14:18 (NIV)

Devotion

"Mo-om," my six-year-old son calls from the den where he is working on math, "I can't do this!"

I am in the kitchen washing dishes.

"If you can't do it," I call back, "Just bring it to me."

And in a whoosh, I hear God's still small voice, coming in on the heels of what I have just spoken aloud. "Isn't that what I say to you?" He reminds me.

When I am overwhelmed: "If you can't do it, just bring it to Me."

When I am angry: "If you can't do it, just bring it to Me."

When I am hurting: "If you can't do it, just bring it to Me."

When I am confused: "If you can't do it, just bring it to Me."

Thousands of years ago, the disciples faced a situation they couldn't do. They couldn't feed 5000 men and their families lunch even though the people were hungry. They knew that allowing them to leave would mean missing a great ministry opportunity... but their resources were sorely lacking. And then one little boy stood up and offered his lunch. Jesus responded, "Bring them here to me." He took that meager offering--the tiniest bit offered in faith--and multiplied it beyond anyone's expectations.

I need God to do that for me every day. When I think that I can't do something, I need to faithfully take what little I can do and place it in His hands. And then I need to stand back and watch Him multiply my humble offering into something amazing.

What are you feeling like you can't do today?

Take on a challenge God is calling you to?

Respond to a ministry opportunity even though it is scary?

Stay in a marriage that looks over from where you're standing?

Persevere in your efforts to pay off debt?

Offer forgiveness to someone who hurt you?

Whatever it is, know this: You are right. You can't do it. So bring whatever it is to Him. Picture yourself offering it up, just like that little boy's lunch. Then stand back and prepare to be amazed.

Dear Lord, I praise You for being my burden bearer. Thank You for always taking my "I can'ts" and transforming them through Your power and Your blessings. Help me to remember not to be anxious or worried when I face difficulties, but to simply bring my issues to You again and again. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Voicemails

I'll say it. I hate voicemails. The day and age of personal voicemail is over! I honestly wish I didn't even have the service. When my Mom calls and leaves a voicemail, I check my phone long enough to see I missed a call from mi madre and quickly return her call....without checking the voicemail. :-) She will expect me to answer her question when we talk, but she is forced to repeat herself due to my voicemail hatred. It is extremely frustrating...for both parties.

Then there are the voicemails that my beloved father leaves. See below for an example:

"Hi Tiffany! This is your Dad."
[Dad - I have known you for 24 years. I am pretty sure I recognize your voice. Also, please be assured that there aren't ANY OTHER middle-aged men calling my phone and leaving voicemails.]

"I just wanted to call and ask: Are you going to be in town on Friday?"
[And this is where the awkward pause comes in. Dad- when you are leaving a voicemail, don't ask questions you immediately want answered! Don't leave an awkward pause for me to answer. I'M NOT THERE!]

"Alright, just give me a call back....I love you!"

...And when I see that I have a missed call from Dad, I call him back without checking my voicemail. :-)

My baby sister left me a voicemail recently.

Let's start off by acknowledging that she was just calling to 'chat.' This is pretty notorious with the women in our family. If my Mom, sister, or I are walking through the mall alone or driving home from work solo, we are making a phone call - - - and most likely it is to each other.

Kayla, in this call, was walking alone on campus...

"Hi, Sister! I just wanted to call and see what you were doing! I miss you! Ummmmmmmm. Just give me a call back! I will see you tomorrow, er, this weekend, er....I actually have no idea how to leave a voicemail. I sound stupid. haha! Call me back! I love you!"

:-) In conclusion, personal voicemails suck. But the ones Kayla and Dad leave are keepers. :)

Blues Festival 2009

There are a few times a year when Terre Haute gets awesome. One time is The Walk for ISU's Homecoming. Another is the North/South football game. The one I will discuss here is Blues Fest.

The Bakers were in attendance this year. Blues Fest was jam-packed both nights, despite the $10 cover charge. It was great to see all the crazy Hautians come out and support the event. I loved the second to last band with the little boy who isn't so little anymore. They are a family band and the boy plays the harmonica. NO. The boy ROCKS OUT on the harmonica! I came to love the even more when they did a cover of Michael Jackson's, "Billie Jean." MJ is the not-so-secret way to my heart. Ellusion was the last band to play. They never cease to impress me. I always love seeing them.

Speaking of sightings, holy high school reunion! Lucky for me, I was designated driver that night. I've found that I am a good DD for several reasons:

- I don't mind not drinking because it's less calories I'm forced to socially intake.
- Let's not even mention how much cheaper the choice to be DD is.
- I can have a blasty blast without booze - - because I'm awesome.
- I can go from a party animal to major annoyed B**CH mode when drunkards start getting sloppy.

I don't make a good DD because (often) the B**CH mode comes earlier than the crunky monkeys expect.

It sure was great to see so many of my high school friends, but I just don't get much from drunken conversations, especially with people who aren't rockin out the same lifestyle I am. :-)

Overall, though, it was a great time and I hope Blues Fest continues for many MANY years.

Love and Marriage

Warning: This post is going to be a tangent. Let's begin:

*Why does long distance love fail?
*Why can't mature, strong relationships withstand miles of separation?
*Is this a trust issue?
*Is this an insecurity issue?
*What goes wrong?
*Does your partner's absence open your eyes to a whole new world?
*Is that world really better?
*Why is this so common?

Long distance love is a complete phenomenon to me. Couple who were once so in love can fall "Out of Love" with six months of separation. Could someone please explain this oh so common occurrence?

The Lord knows the thoughts of man; He knows that they are futile.
( Psalms 94:11 *NIV )

We are all Architects of our own future! The thoughts thatwe have today dictate what our future holds for us tomorrow.Therefore a person who has positive thoughts shall havepositive results, just as a person who has negative thoughtsshall attract negative results in their life.

Therefore, if we start each day by counting all of ourblessings, and then try our best to have positive thoughtsduring the day, our hearts will be merry! After all; From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another. ( John 1:16 )

Now this is because; Every good and perfectgift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does notchange like shifting shadows. ( James 1:17 )

why not; Sing and make music in yourheart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of ourLord Jesus Christ. Amen. ( Ephesians 5:19-20 )

All My Love & Prayers, Pastor Allen

Credit Card Companies are the DEVIL

Yep. I said it. I’m so mad at credit card companies, I could puke…. On their CEO’s face…. Those monkey ass clowns.

In college, one night I signed up for a credit card in exchange for a free pizza. What a deal, right?!??! A lifetime of debt for five hours of not being a starving college kid. Wow.

It was a Visa. And it had my picture on it. The credit card was totally cute (obvi) but I never used it. (Thank God.)

You know how you get random credit card information in the mail? If you are like me, you open them up enough to see the “Visa” symbol. Then I shread it and toss it in the garbage.

I do not recommend this method. No more. Read, people! This is why:

The assholes (sorry) at Visa sent me just another friendly letter. For SOME REASON I felt compelled to read it.

THANK GOD I DID.

My cute pizza credit card was having an annual fee added to its balance as of November 1, 2009. The current balance on the card (of course) was $0.00….BECAUSE I HAD NEVER USED THE CARD!!! But, as of November 1, according to the friendly letter, it would be $75.00!!!!

OMG!!!!!!

There was a number to call if I wanted to cancel my card before the charge hit. I called and was FLAMING with anger. If a human was about to answer the phone, I was about to make them cry.

Allow me to explain my anger… I am not upset that this had happened. I diligently read the letter and did what they wanted: cancelled my unused credit card. I was OUTRAGED, however, that they had notified me VIA A FRIENDLY LETTER!!!!

How many people shreaded the letter without reading it? How many people are going to be surprised when they get their Novermber bill? I’m positive that Visa will hold firm that they invformed the customer. I’m also nervous for those customers who won’t EVEN NOTICE the $75.00 charge!!

Needless to say, the number given on the letter led me to a friendly robot woman. I entered the last six digits of my account and cancelled my card. The friendly robot woman thanked me and informed me I was ALWAYS WELCOME BACK and promptly hung up.

Since I couldn’t make the call center rep cry, I decided to blog about it. Credit Card companies are the DEVIL. They are malicious and mean. I hate the whole concept.

Please be responsible with your money. Pay cash whenever possible. READ YOUR MAIL!

Moral of the story: Bitches are sneaky.

That pizza wasn’t that good. Cheapos only let me order it with one topping!

I don’t know about you, but I sure as HAIL don’t want to spend $75.00 on a large pepperoni.

Hungry Eyes

I miss Patrick Swayze. Just Sayin. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” *RAWR*

Making Church a Verb

Recently my parents' church service was devoted to "Making Church a verb." There were people who cleaned yards, while others went and prayed with shut ins. I thought this was such an amazing concept! Church should always be a verb! Way to go Seelyville United Methodist Church! :-)

Third time's a charm?

Then there was my 18th birthday. A week before, my boyfriend (Mark) and I went to a pet store to look around. There, I found what were called "Dwarf Bunnies." They were 1,000 times cuter than their name. They were fat little bunnies whose droopy ears drug the ground.

I couldn't stop talkinga bout how much I wanted this black dwarf bunny. Everyone refused to make the purchase for my birthday. They all knew I would end up hating it. If you know me, you knkow I had to make the purchase to prove them wrong.

I bought the dwarf bunny and named him "Daffy." I know what you are thinking: "You bought your OWN birthday present?!" Yes, I did. I am a firm believer in, "I want it, I get it!" You may also be wondering why I named my bunny Daffy. I went through a period where I thought it was hilarious to innappropriately name things. If you see my sister, ask her the "Kitty Kitty meow meow, Bear Bear grr, grr" story. I digress.

Six months after owning Daffy, I got bored. Wait. Bored isn't the word. I was downright annoyed that the dwarf bunny was still alive and kickin.' So I did what every normal annoyed human being would do in my situation: I stopped feeding Daffy.... all together.

I'm aware that makes me sound like a total a-hole for saying it. But it's already done.

My loving Dad started feeding poor, hungry Daffy. He loved Daffy. I haven't even discussed the mansion that bunny lived in. My Dad made this bunny a bunny mansion! It had two rooms: a bedroom and a kitchen/dining room. It had a caged area below the mansion to catch the adorable little dward bunny poop balls. I've always loved those little pooplets. I've (not so secretly) always desired to poop like a bunny. It's so cute!

Blip. Blop. Bloop. Bunny Poop! :-)

Adorable pooplets weren't the only quirky attribute my dwarf bunny had. Daffy was a dreamer. Just like her mother, she wanted to see the world. Daffy would (somehow) get out of the cage and run away. I actually think this was a big fat joke that Daffy played on me. My Mom would tell me after school one day that Daffy had run away. I would get all excited that she was gone and was out in the real world. Then Pam would drop the ball on me: Daffy had returned! What the hell kind of animal runs away from its cage into the five acres of Alexander land, into the great wide open, only to return 8 hours later?!?!?!

But, sure enough, that little stinker returned. Daffy was chillin' in the driveway when my Mom got home from work. Apparently she was hungry and forgot she was a bunny that could eat GRASS!

After months of my father feeding Daffy, my sister took her to school for a year. This is when DAffy got a name change. Kayla thought it was innappropriate to name a dwarf bunny, "Daffy".....so she named her "bunny."

Bunny loved the science class she lived in for a year. But then it was time for her to return to her bunny mansion at the Alexander household.

At this point, I was out of the house. Livin the dream (*bunnyless*) in college. Napoleon Dynamite was a big movie at the time. My brothers were the ones tasked with feeding "bunny." They hated her name, so they changed it to Tina. Below are some quotes from Napoleon Dynamite that I'm 110% sure are the reasons my siblings changed Daffy/Bunny's name:

"Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... "

"Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD! "

"Tina, come get some ham. "

Uncle Rico: "Napoleon, it's looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina."
Napoleon Dynamite: "Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap! "

Nathan and Evan weren't being mean to Tina, they were just (lovingly) quoting a movie.

In the end, Daffy/Bunny/Tina ran away. ....never to return again! She lived a cushy life and I'm about 72% sure she is living in Jamaica right now and wasn't eaten by a coyote. I loved Daffy....for six months...but then the boredom set it....

I'm going to make a great MOM.

Oh, and let's not forget....

STRIKE THREE....

Washington DC

Just wanted to let you know I took my first "big girl" business trip in early September. We were deploying our program to hospitals in the area. It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. And: BONUS! I got to wear Mom's fancy suits and get my own business cards! :)

[Sing] Movin' on up!!

My second attempt at loving an animal.....

After I realized Pepper only wanted me to have his puppies, I moved to attempting to love another creature....Kittens.

My neighbor's cat had a litter of kittens that always hung out at our house. I loved one particular black and white kitten (although I never named it.)

I was waving goodbye to my Dad one day. "Bye, Daddy! Have fun at work! I love you" AAAAAAAAAAAND THAT'S when it happened.

"Daddy, NO!" I cried.

Just then, (and I specifically remember this) Daddy ran right over my un-named feline friend. This is how my thought process went.... remember, I was in about 4th grade at this point...

"Bye, Daddy! I love you!" Uh oh, here comes the kitten.... "Daddy, NO!" ..... Holy SH*T that cat's eyeballs just popped out of its face. How is that possible? Holy SH*T, does that mean that if I got run over, my eyeballs would pop out of my head? Holy SH*T, that was like straight out of a cartoon. Maybe all cartoons are real. Welp, I guess that means I don't have a nameless cat anymore. I guess I'm stuck with the humping werewolf dog.

STRIKE TWO

What Did You Do With What I Gave You?

July 24, 2009

What Did You Do With What I Gave You?

Luann Prater <http://www.crosswalkmail.com/gbppdhpzld_vpzcjzbzzmj.html>

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

Devotion

"How can I make sure she doesn't become self-absorbed as she grows up?" a young mother asked me as we munched warm chocolate-chip cookies.

Our culture struggles with the "I wants." When children receive "things without strings" they begin a life of self-centered discontentment. Adults, in an effort to find happiness, reach for whatever they don't have, thinking that thing must be what is missing. In the United States we often convince ourselves that our wants are really needs.

I had the privilege of joining my Proverbs 31 Ministries sisters on a trip to Ecuador to visit the Compassion International projects. We came face-to-face with real poverty, real needs and real happiness. Many moments will remain etched in my memory, but two stand out as a glaring disparity to life as we know it.

First, we visited a family with three children who live in a block home, tin roof, dirt floors and have only one bed. I asked the parents if they could have just one thing what would it be. They thought about it, discussed it, then said, "We have everything we need."

Wow! Are there many in the U.S. who would say that? Furthermore, I wonder if the response in this country would be, "Only one thing?" They have the love of their family and more importantly the love of a God who fills their desires.

Second, I met Jonathan, a college student from a family of eight who is a Compassion International sponsored child. He is studying to become a math teacher. When asked why he chose that path he said, "The boys in my village drop out of school when they become freshmen so they can work and help support the family. I want them to know that if they continue on and learn math it can open many more doors in their work life. I also know that one day I will stand before God and He will ask me, 'What did you do with what I gave you?' I want to help change the reality in my own world."

Wow! This young man has been given an opportunity for a different life and now he gives back.

So, back to my conversation with my friend as we were eating cookies. My answer to this young mother was, "Go on mission trips, help the needy, sponsor a child and serve others." When we serve, the focus shifts from self to selfless. It is only then that the resemblance of Christ can be seen in our reflection.

How will we answer the question, "What did you do with what I gave you?"

Dear Lord, we are so blessed and yet we often live with impoverished hearts. Fill us with the Spirit that encourages us to go, to serve and to bind up the brokenhearted. Empty us of self so Your reflection can shine to others. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Dog Training

When I was a child, I quasi-loved an animal. For those of you who know me, this is weird. I don't like animals. Alright, I'll say it: I pretty much hate them. I know this hatred stemmed from three major events in my life. This post is about the first.....



We got a full-blooded Keeshound when I was in about 3rd grade. If you have never seen a Keeshound, imagine a mix between a werewolf and a monkey. It was black and white, so I (appropriately) named the canine Pepper.



I was pretty impressed with myself when I taught Pepper his first trick. I remember my parents having friends over and having me show them, "My little trick." I thought I was amazing: a straight up Dog Whisperer.



One day my neighbor, Emily, came over to play at my house. I decided to show off my new amazing skills. "Watch this!" I told Emily. Pepper immediately did the trick. I was so proud.



"So he's humping you, right? .... Your dog is trying to hump you?" said Emily.



I was appalled. Surely my new trick wasn't an inherent trait my new friend had. Was I a Dog Whisperer? Or was my dog just horny?



As it turns out, it was the latter. When I thought I taught my dog to dance, Pepper was trying to have sex with me.



STRIKE ONE.

Kanye West

Is anyone else super annoyed with this cat but still finds themselves humming his songs?

The Hunt

Have you ever wanted to see something so bad you would give your left pinkie finger to see it? I have one of those things. This is where I must warn the reader that this is going to be inappropriate. I want to see an uncircumcised penis. Sorry Mom.

A friend of mine said it's like a flower that blooms. It still works the same. I imagine it to be something like the scene in Alien where the monster comes out of the chick's chest. I also must mention that Google Images is no help to me.

My husband is okay with my quest. Sometimes I even get mad at him for being circumcised. When asked about this nonchalant attitude toward my penis hunt, Mark said, "I just want her to see one so she will just shut up about it." Ah, I love that man....Alien wiener or not....

So here I am, on my hunt. An explorer, per say. One night, I was at a co-worker's housewarming party. I was discussing my current *cough* ...quest. I turned to one of the uncomfortable guys in the room. I proceeded to ask if he was circumcised. After recovering from the shock of my question, he unfortunately informed me he was snipped. Disappointed, I asked each of the men at the party the condition of his....member. All were circumcised. I thought it was absolutely hilarious to get a rise out of each individual.

...Is that an appropriate use of "rise"? ....haha* Anyways...


Later that week, a group of us were at a local bar. Determined, I was still on my hunt. I was with some of the same co-workers who saw my previous tangent at the housewarming party. I still thought I was being hilarious.

One of my guy friends from work was with us. I texted him the question. "Are you circumcised?" When he got the message, he got all embarrassed and looked at me. "Why do you want to know? Oh, now everyone is going to know...." As he texted me back.

Do you see where this is going? OMG NOOOOOOOO.....Yes! He answered.....NO

OMG
OMG
OMG

Now it wasn't funny to me. --just awkward. But you know me, when everyone else thinks it is hilarious or awesome or both, I.just.can't.stop....

"What would it take for me to see that bad boy?"
"Haha!" He said, "A lot of liqour...."

After ordering shots of tequila, he kept his pants on.

Now I feel really bad for "outing" my co-worker and his weird winkie. But I can't help but wonder....What is hiding under those Dockers?

What if No One Knew?

August 3, 2009

What if No One Knew?

Glynnis Whitwer

<http://www.crosswalkmail.com/ueqjcjqjwf_njhrbhphhlb.html>

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."John 13:35 (NIV)

Devotion:

This past summer, I had the incredible opportunity to chaperone my son's high school trip to Europe. Although my purpose in going was to invest in my son and be with him before time forever changes our life together, God had a few lessons tucked in surprising places for me.

One such place was Germany. In our short time there, we celebrated the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall by painting a section of wall that will be ceremoniously knocked down in November. We were thrilled to help remember the freedom of so many.

In spite of all the freedom enjoyed in the last 20 years by Berliners, our tour guide told us that Germany school children are not allowed to wear or bring to school any "religious" symbols. For Christians, that means no jewelry, clothing or books that would reveal their faith.

Upon returning home, I tried to confirm his statement. Although I couldn't, it challenged me to think how I would share my faith if I couldn't tell anyone through words or symbols. My thoughts immediately turned to all the followers of Jesus throughout the ages who couldn't share their faith openly. Although we might believe we need political freedom to share our faith, history shows us we don't.

In many instances, Christianity thrives under persecution because God's freedom shines even brighter in comparison. Believers don't need symbols to share their faith, they do so with their lives. Imagine living or working in a place where you couldn't say the name of Jesus out loud? How would people know?

As I read the New Testament, I see pictures of Christians who lived in such a way that their lives drew people to them and reflected the loving God they served. Here are just a few of the ways early Christians shared their faith without words:.

Going where others would not go. .

Giving generously to those in need..

Taking care of each other..

Forgiving great wrongs done to them..

Showing hospitality to strangers.

This is just a short list of the many ways Christians "witnessed" to others. The Bible is full of examples of how God-followers told the story of their faith without using symbols or words. World history tells the same story. And I know there are believers in the world today facing life-threatening persecution.

It's prompted me to really consider what "rights" I need in order to spread the Good News of our Savior. Do I really need a government that guarantees my religious freedom? I like that, and want that, but is it needed? Based on the stories of the heroes of our faith - yesterday and today - maybe what I really need is a life that tells about my God louder than any words.

Whether or not you live in a country that affords religious freedom, what are you doing to share your faith with others?

Dear Lord, today I pray for my brothers and sisters who are living under persecution for their faith today. Lord, be their peace, hope and freedom. Please help me to live a life that reflects who You really are. I long for others to know You and love You. Thank You for Your faithfulness to me in all things. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Still a Pretty Good Day

August 6, 2009

Still a Pretty Good Day

Lysa TerKeurst

<http://www.crosswalkmail.com/zrvfbpwbwv_xdkswkzkkfw.html>

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..."Colossians 3:15 (NIV)

Devotion:

Several months back, my daughter Ashley had a gymnastics meet that didn't go so well. She fell on almost every event. She scored well below her expectations and I thought there would be lots of tears at the awards ceremony. But, much to my surprise, she bounced up to me and exclaimed, "Mom, did you see I landed my vault on my feet. That's a good thing about today."

She then flitted off with her teammates to get ice cream. One of the other moms grabbed my arm and complimented Ashley's good attitude. Though I did feel sad for Ashley - after all she had worked so hard to prepare for this meet, my heart still swelled with joy. That compliment meant more than seeing my daughter with a neck full of gold medals. Do I want Ashley to win? Yes, of course. But seeing a good attitude displayed in the face of adversity - well that's simply priceless.

Ashley's outlook challenged me. How many times do I have something bad happen in my day and it just seems to turn my whole attitude south? Instead of just resigning myself to being emotional or sensitive, I've decided to see this as a call to action. I've started making the choice to say a simple statement that often diverts a bad attitude. And the statement is this, "If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, it's still a pretty good day."

Boy does this statement put things into perspective. I guess it's an everyday way to do a little heart check up. The Bible tells us that we should intentionally make our minds think of things that are good, true, excellent, and praiseworthy. The more I think about things like these, the more my perspective seems to stay in check. In Colossians 3:15 we are instructed to, "Let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts... and be thankful." Verse 16 goes on to say that we should also, "Let the word of God dwell in us richly..." Finally, verse 17 says, "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus..."

Letting the peace of Christ rule in our hearts and letting the Word of God dwell in us richly doesn't just happen naturally. We have to intentionally make those choices. And we have to challenge ourselves to deal with the bad while focusing on all the good that is there as well.

So, what aggravation or disappointment are you facing today? If that's the worst thing that happens - I bet you could say it's still a pretty good day too.

Dear Lord, help me to put daily aggravations into proper perspective. Give me the wisdom to choose to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart. And give me a hunger to get into Your word and let Your word get into me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Quote I like.....

"Find a job you love and you will never work another day in your life."


Do you think this is true? I would love to hear your thoughts.....

WAOOHOOOO

MY BABY SISTER GOT ENGAGED YESTERDAY!!! WATCH WTWO ON MONDAY TO SEE THE DETAILS! JEREMY ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM AFTER HER CROSS COUNTRY RACE YESTERDAY! IT WAS SO GREAT TO BE THERE TO WITNESS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF HER LIFE! WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, JEREMY!

I LOVE YOU BOTH!

-SISTER

Vitamins

"It is written, 'Man shall not live by breadalone, but by every word that proceedsfrom the mouth of God." ( Matthew 4:4 * NKJV )

Just as we need food to sustain our human body,we also need spiritual food to sustain our Spiritualbody as well! Now a good meal should consist of vitamins andminerals, and perhaps a dessert. So today we willlook at Biblical Vitamins for our Spiritual well being.

When Anxious, take vitamin "A" All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.( Romans 8:28 )

When Crushed, take vitamin "C" Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.( 1 Peter 5:7 )

When Depressed, take vitamin "D" Draw near to God and He will draw near you.( James 4:8 )

When Empty, take vitamin "E" Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and in to His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.( Psalms 100:4 )

When Fearful, take vitamin "F" Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.( Isaiah 41:10 )

When Greedy, take vitamin "G" Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom.(Luke 6:38 )

When Insecure, take vitamin "I" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.( Philippians 4:13 )

When Lonely, take vitamin "L" I am with you always, even to the end of the age.( Matthew 28:20 )

When Restless, take vitamin "R" Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him( Psalms 37:7 )

For Dessert; Whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.( John 3:16 )

It is my hope that you have enjoyedthis meal of Spiritual food. Remember that you may have all you want, for it is guaranteed to be non-fattening! Amen.

All My Love & Prayers, Pastor Allen

Wednesday Devotion.....

Jesus said to him, "Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29 *NKJ )

Not seeing and still believing is what being a true Christian is all about; For we walk by faith, not by sight. ( 2 Corinthians 5:7 )

Now walking by faith my dear friend, is believing with all of your heart, mind and soul that God will Guide you and Protect you. Also believing that He is there to Comfort, Bless and Love you, and knowing that He is here performing Miracles all over the Earth each and every day as well.

Further, by believing that if you ask God to take control of your life and will, your life will vastly improve! It is by seeing the beauty that surrounds us in this World, and how perfectly everything works together, and knowing that all of this could not have happened by accident! For; By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. ( Hebrews 11:3 )

No, we can't see God standing on the street corner touching lives, healing people and caring for them, but those with faith know that He is there! So don't ever be like doubting Thomas, instead know that God is watching over you right know! Therefore, have a wonderful day knowing that you are in good hands indeed! Amen!

All My Love & Prayers,
Pastor Allen

Unfailing Love

May 29, 2009

Luann Prater <http://www.crosswalkmail.com/fwvvvmyjmg_rqsmzsrsskz.html>

"What a man desires is unfailing love." Proverbs 19:22a (NIV)

Devotion:
"I LOVE this dress!" she exclaimed, "I simply throw it in the washer and it comes out looking new!" My friend was trying to convey to us just how necessary this garment had become in her closet. She "loved" it.

We use the word "love" so indiscriminately that often the true meaning of love gets lost. Or worn out from overuse. Today's key verse tells us that everyone desires love and not just any love, but unfailing love.

One of the lessons I learned when I became an adult was the realization that things wear out and need to be replaced. At my first wedding (yes, I said first), I remember receiving several sets of towels. One wise older woman told me to tuck a set away to save for later. She was so right. After many washings and years of use they became my favorite rags. I needed to pull out another set because these failed to provide that warm-fuzzy you need when stepping out of the shower.

Is love like that? Does it just wear out or fall apart? I wondered.

For years, many things in my life fell apart. Moving every year when I was young caused loving friendships to fall apart. Loving family relationships were also fractured. And the very first sexual abuse I can remember was in second grade, then fourth grade, then by a church leader when I was 13. "Love" became a numb, meaningless word to me.

So my question became, "Where could unfailing love be found?" Does lasting love exist when everyone around me is falling in and out of what they call love?

In 1 John 4:7 I found my answer, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." The Greek word for "beloved" is agapetos, which means "dearly loved." The very first thing this verse tells us is that we are dearly loved by God. The second piece tells us we can love one another because of God's love.

The only way we can fill that gaping hole that needs unfailing love is to fall into the arms of our Everlasting Father. When the Bible tells us, "God is love," it is saying that without Him, we can only create temporary, fragile and indiscriminate love.

Our abilities are limited, but oh sweet sisters, we are daughters of the very God who IS love! He is the only one to turn to for unconditional, uncompromising, unfailing love. When we accept His love for us, then and only then, can we pour out true love onto others.

Dear Lord, how can we comprehend the love You have for us? There is nothing on earth that even comes close to it! Teach me to accept Your love and then shower others with the grace and love You have given me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Some historical facts

Got this in an email recently... thought I'd share....

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor"

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...........they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . .. . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer...

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! !

So . . . get out there and educate someone!

Learning to Give

Learning to GiveCurt and Marybeth Whalen

<http://www.crosswalkmail.com/ihcfklkpdl_bnmkzmgmmlz.html>

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7 (NIV)

Devotion:

Marybeth and I are going to admit something that you don't usually hear in Christian circles. For most of our marriage, we haven't tithed regularly. Even though we both grew up in church, heard all the sermons about tithing, and knew what the Bible had to say about money. We had all the head knowledge any one person would need.

We just never participated.

When we decided to become debt free, part of our process was to recognize our need to surrender. We surrendered our mistakes, our marriage, and our money to God. We humbled ourselves, confessed our pride, and asked Him for help. Surrendering control of our money was a hard but important step to take, and we knew that regularly giving an offering to God was part of the equation.

During this time, Marybeth and I finally admitted out loud what we had always been convicted of in our hearts. When it came down to it, we didn't trust that our Heavenly Father was really going to take care of us. Giving, we've learned, is an expression of love and worship, but our fear outweighed our love.

Even so, we were determined to start. It wasn't easy. We argued with God about giving Him money that He didn't really need when we could have used that money to pay off our creditors. Little by little, we began giving to our church. At the time, it wasn't a full 10% of my paycheck, but it was something, and we began to develop the habit of giving on a regular basis. We began to understand that giving God 10% of our income, or tithing, has nothing to do with whether we need the money to pay bills, whether it's an old covenant command that Jesus changed (as some suggest), something we do out of guilt, or something that will bring us unlimited financial blessings.

It's much simpler then any of those things.

Giving God our tithe is an expression of love. We give God the first of what shows up in our checking account to acknowledge that He loved us first. We worship Him with our gift because God gave us the ultimate gift: His life, dying a brutal death on a cross to save us from the horrors and consequences of sin. We, like God who sacrificed His Son, give to demonstrate love.

When we began consistently giving it was hard, painful, and even scary to develop the habit. But year after year, month after month, we stayed committed. And now, I can tell you that nothing is more meaningful to us than to write God that tithe check.

My encouragement to you if you don't currently give is to simply begin. Don't be overwhelmed with what you don't do, should do, or have to do. Just start small. Take something to church this Sunday and experience the joy of worshiping God with your money. Challenge yourself to be consistent and to increase what you give. Ask God for help and share the joy of giving with your children. Pray over your gift before you leave for church, sharing with your kids your "thanks" for the many blessings that God has filled your life with -- the roof over your head, the clothes on your back, the food on your table, and His love in your hearts.
Dear Lord, I pray that You would transform me into someone who demonstrates love with the gift of my money, my time, and my talents. Please teach me what it means to be a cheerful giver. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

He is Risen! Indeed!

May 4, 2009

Susanne Scheppmann <http://www.crosswalkmail.com/gbpqzjldsz_vpzcjzbzzmj.html>

". . . It is true! The Lord has risen . . ." Luke 24:34 (NIV)

Devotion:
Last month, I heard the phrase, "He is risen!" Somewhere from the recesses of my memory the return phrase, "He is risen, indeed!" sprang from my mouth.

The phrase "He is risen! Indeed!" is termed as the Paschal or Easter greeting. The term "Paschal" comes from the original Hebrew word pesach referring to the Jewish Passover. Experts on Christian customs believe the greeting originated shortly after Christ's resurrection. It is popular among both Catholics and Protestants. One person rejoices with "He is risen!" The other answers with the joyous response, "He is risen, indeed!"

A risen Savior changes lives not only for eternity, but right now--today--here on earth. That is a fact to celebrate! Recently my home church illustrated this truth on a Sunday morning by having fifty people stand on stage while holding hand-painted signs. In the beginning, the audience saw only a white piece of poster board. Then, as music played softly, one by one each person flipped his or her own sign over to display the power of the risen Savior in his or her life. The signs read:
Methamphetamine addiction--Drug free
Cancer--Healed
Suicidal--Abundant Life
Lonely--Fellowship
Alcoholism--Sobriety
Filled with bitterness--Learned to forgive
Insecure and unloved--Loved and secure in Jesus

The stage was filled with humanity at its worst, but Jesus at His best. This humble display of the power of Christ moved many members of our congregation to tears. Then, slowly, applause erupted from the auditorium in praise of God. The Apostle John finished his gospel with these compelling words, "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written" (John 21:25, NIV). These words apply today just as much as they did in the first century.

I often take for granted what the risen Christ has done for me for eternity, and for today. I lose my gratitude for the ever present power of Jesus' death and resurrection. But today I have regained my wonder of living in the power of the resurrection. Christ is risen ...Indeed!

Dear Lord, You have risen, indeed! Help me to remember each day of the year that You are triumphant in every area of my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Prayers

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful
and effective.
( James 5:16 *NIV )

I truly believe that our prayers are the most powerful things on Earth! After all what is a Miracle but a prayer that has been answered!

Thus it is written; Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ( Philippians 4:6 ) After all, The Lord is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous. ( Proverbs 15:29 )

Now I know that when our prayers aren't answered the way we would like, it can disappoint us, we are sad and often depressed. However it is written that we should; Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ( 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 )

Never feel that God doesn't hear your prayers because a prayer isn't answered immediately, or because it isn't answered the way you would like. For your Heavenly Father always knows what is best for you, and; He will never leave you nor forsake you. ( Deuteronomy 31:6 )

So My friend, remember to always; Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name, for He will always hear the prayers of those who love and adore Him! ( 1 Chronicles 16:8 )

In closing my prayer is that; The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Now and always! Amen! ( 2 Corinthians 13:14 )

All My Love & Prayers,
Pastor Allen